


The Tower, According to Jarvis

by hawksonfire



Series: Mandatory Fun Day [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Awesome Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Clint Barton & Tony Stark Friendship, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton is a Disaster, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) Feels, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, M/M, POV JARVIS (Iron Man movies), St. Patrick's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 15:30:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18196016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawksonfire/pseuds/hawksonfire
Summary: Written for the Mandatory FunDay thingy on Tumblr because I love Jarvis and I thought it would be cool to see something from his point of view. Hope you enjoy!St. Patrick's Day, through the many eyes of JARVIS.





	The Tower, According to Jarvis

**JARVIS**

JARVIS is not a man. He uses male pronouns for ease, due to his voice. He considers himself a son to Tony Stark. He feels things, he makes choices of his own, and he has friends. But JARVIS is not a man. Because JARVIS is not a man, he does not understand why mankind does such things as overindulging on alcohol until they cannot remember what they are doing while they drink it, or celebrate certain days of the year and not others. 

 

That being said, JARVIS likes St. Patrick’s Day. 

 

“IT’S SAINT PATTY’S DAY!” Agent Barton cries. He runs throughout the tower, throwing green glitter and confetti on anyone he sees, save Ms. Potts. Agent Barton is a smart man. “IT’S SAINT PATRICK’S DAY AND I’M STILL SOBER AT ELEVEN AM! Why am I still sober?” Agent Barton promptly trips over his own foot and lands on his face with a grunt. 

 

“Agent Barton,” JARVIS says, “Do you require medical assistance?” JARVIS is sure that Agent Barton is fine, but he is required to ask.

 

“Nah, J, it’s all good!” Agent Barton pops up from the floor and tosses another handful of confetti. “Happy Saint Patrick’s Day, J-man! Anything you want me to do for you?” 

 

If JARVIS had to choose a best friend, he thinks he would choose Agent Barton.

 

“Well,” JARVIS says, “I believe Sergeant Barnes is trying to convince Captain Rogers to wear a neon green shirt that says ‘Kiss me, I’m Irish’ on it in an attempt to goad Sir into, and this is a direct quote, ‘finally making a move, that idiot’. You could speak to Sir about his feelings for Captain Rogers to assist in Sergeant Barnes’ plan.” 

 

Agent Barton grins. “That sounds like a lot of fun, J. Can I count on you to not tell Tony?”

 

JARVIS sighs. “I suppose I won’t tell Sir your plans, as long as you are in the common room at two-thirty today.” 

 

“It’s a deal, J! See you then!” Agent Barton bounces away and vanishes (not really, he’s climbing up the elevator shaft outside the third floor, muttering to himself about green glitter and patriotism, but JARVIS digresses).

 

~~~~~~

 

“Captain Rogers, if I may?” JARVIS says, noticing Sergeant Barnes’ distress. “Wearing this shirt for Sergeant Barnes may well help in his recovery. He appears to have made the choice that unless you are dressed up as silly as possible, he shall, and I quote, ‘remain in my room until Christmas and only come out to kill bad people’.

 

“JARVIS,” Sergeant Barnes hisses, “That was between us.”

 

“My apologies, Sergeant Barnes. Captain Rogers appears to be willing to wear the shirt, however.” Sergeant Barnes turns around quickly, and upon seeing Captain Rogers in the bright green shirt, a smile spreads across his face. 

 

“Thanks, Stevie, you’re the best!” Sergeant Barnes pulls Captain Rogers into what humans call a hug. While hugging Captain Rogers, he winks at one of JARVIS’ cameras. JARVIS turns the camera off and on again in his best approximation of a wink.

 

The two genetically enhanced soldiers head out to the common room, running into Agent Romanoff and Dr. Banner along the way. The four of them fall into a conversation regarding Hulk, and whether his shade of green is appropriate for St. Patrick’s Day. 

 

JARVIS thinks it is, but would prefer that Hulk makes his appearance elsewhere, as structural damage is inevitable when the Hulk comes out to play. 

 

~~~~~~

 

JARVIS checks in on Sir in his laboratory. “I believe Sergeant Barnes is looking for you, Sir, and Agent Barton is requesting access.”

 

“Yeah, sure, J, whatever.”

 

JARVIS opens the doors to allow Agent Barton access, directing DUM-E over to his favourite human. DUM-E is nowhere near as advanced as JARVIS, but JARVIS supposes he loves his little brother despite that. “How’s my favourite ‘bot doing, huh?” Agent Barton falls to his knees and hugs DUM-E, resulting in a happy trill from the ‘bot and a sigh from Sir.

 

“Don’t start being nice to him, Legolas, he’ll get the wrong idea.”

 

“And what idea’s that, Tony? That you love him just like you love all your children?” Agent Barton walks over to the couch and falls over, drawing Sir’s attention.

 

“Something wrong, Birdboy?”

 

Agent Barton groans into a pillow. “Steve is wearing this stupid shirt that says ‘Kiss me, I’m Irish’ because Bucky asked him to, and I just know that Steve’s gonna be insufferable all day unless he actually gets kissed while he’s in it. I heard Carol down in HR was planning to plant one on him today.”

 

Sir drops a wrench. “Carol from HR? Doesn’t she know that’s a lawsuit waiting to happen? Ugh, I guess I have to go keep our darling Captain out of trouble. I’ll send Mr. Freeze your way once I get there.” Sir storms out of the laboratory, grumbling to himself.

 

JARVIS waits until Sir is in the elevator, then says, “Well done, Agent Barton. Jealousy is often a useful tactic.”

 

Agent Barton smiles to himself. “It is, JARVIS, it really is.” DUM-E chirps again and knocks over a pile of scrap metal. JARVIS sighs. He loves his brothers, honest.

 

~~~~~~

 

Out of all the residents in the Tower, JARVIS enjoys working with Ms. Potts the most. She may not use him as thoroughly as Sir does, or for fun things like Agent Barton does, but Ms. Potts has a way of making JARVIS feel useful that doesn’t happen when he works with other people.

 

“JARVIS, could you bring up my schedule for the next week?” Ms. Potts asks. “Thanks, JARVIS.”

 

“Of course, Ms. Potts. And if I may? Sir has blocked out four hours of your time for next Thursday but seeing as how that conflicts with the conference call you have scheduled for 6:00 pm and the dinner reservation already made with the CEO of JordanMusic at 8:00 pm, I would reschedule it for the Friday.”

 

“Go ahead JARVIS, I trust your judgement. What’s Tony doing right now, anyway?”

 

“He appears to be doing his best to fulfill Captain Rogers’ shirt command.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Today is St. Patrick’s Day, Ms. Potts.”

 

“Yes, it is.”

 

“Sergeant Barnes convinced Captain Rogers to wear a shirt that tells people to kiss him because of his heritage.”

 

“Steve’s wearing a ‘Kiss me, I’m Irish’ shirt?”

 

“Yes, Ms. Potts.”

 

“Put that footage into my blackmail file please, JARVIS.”

 

“Yes, Ms. Potts. Shall I order a shirt for Sir that says ‘I kissed him because he’s Irish’?”

 

“I rather think you should, JARVIS.”

 

“Of course, Ms. Potts.” Yes, JARVIS likes working with Ms. Potts the most.

 

~~~~~~

 

Two-thirty comes around and JARVIS switches his focus to the main common room. Sergeant Barnes stands in the center of the room, holding a green confetti cannon and green face paint. “Everything ready, JARVIS?”

 

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes.”

 

“Good, good.” Sergeant Barnes shifts on his feet. He was a sniper in the army so he should have the ability to remain motionless for hours on end, but JARVIS believes that Sergeant Barnes is  _ nervous _ . 

 

“There is no need to be nervous, Sergeant Barnes. Things will work out for the best, I’m sure.” 

 

Before Sergeant Barnes can respond, Agent Barton bursts through the door and yells, “HAPPY SAINT PATRICKS DAY BUCKY!” He then trips on his feet (again) and falls on his face (again).

 

“Do you require medical assistance, Agent Barton?”

 

“Not at all, J, thanks for asking.” Agent Barton bounces onto his feet and walks over to Sergeant Barnes. “What’s all this about?”

 

“Well, you said you didn’t like Valentine’s Day,” says Sergeant Barnes.

 

“Way overcommercialized.” Agent Barton agrees.

 

“So I thought that I would ask you on a date on this holiday instead so that if you say yes, we can go get a beer together, and if you say no, we can still go get a beer together, only I ould probably cry first.”

 

JARVIS does not understand human emotions.

 

“You’re asking me on a date. Me. Clint Barton. World’s Best Screw Up.” Agent Barton says flatly.

 

“Hello?” Sergeant Barnes waves his hand in the air. “Literally fell off of a train, lost an arm, spent 70 years killing people and then came back to myself only to find that I’m in love with you even though you’ve never shown any indication of even being into me so - mmph!”

 

JARVIS thinks it’s interesting that humans think it’s a good idea to make someone stop talking by kissing them. JARVIS finds it incredibly rude.

 

“Of course I’ll go on a date with you, Bucky!” Agent Barton says, grinning. “But we gotta apply the face paint first.”

 

Sergeant Barnes scoffs. “Of course we do, what do you think this is?” He fires the confetti cannon with a grin.

 

~~~~~~

 

JARVIS is not a man. He uses male pronouns, he feels things and makes choices, and he has a family. Because JARVIS is not a man, he understands better than they do why they celebrate certain days of the years and not others. He even understands why sometimes, it takes some friends to help realize what JARVIS thought was glaringly obvious.

 

JARVIS’ family is odd. It has thirteen members and all of them have their quirks and problems. They all need so much therapy, and there are more nights than not where multiple members of his family are awake instead of asleep like their fragile human bodies demand.

 

Yes, JARVIS’ family is odd. But he wouldn’t trade them, not for anything.


End file.
